Sunday, November 21, 2010

Month of thanks... week 3

I can hardly believe it's almost Thanksgiving. At the beginning of this year I was pregnant and starting to think the end of the year would never come. Time flies. I know my mom used to say repeatedly, "Brooke, the older you get the faster times goes by..." Well folks, she was right! The older I get the faster time does go by. My son is approaching 3 months this Wednesday. That is also hard to believe. All that preparation and now this little guy is here.

This week I would like to thank God. I know there are people that don't believe... that is your right. My right is to believe. Thank you America. I don't know where I would be without God. There were times growing up I faltered in my beliefs or questioned way too much. And now looking back if my faith was stronger or I was more mature in my faith I would have realized that my life is not up to me... it's up to God. I make choices that are game changers of course, but I cannot change who comes in and out of my life.

I look back on 2006. This was a tough year for me. I won't get into details, but it was a tough one. I wonder why everything was happening the way it was and why was it happening to me? Poor little me, right? Well, NO! See, God had a plan for me. I had to fall and not believe to start to believe again. Makes sense? It might not. Basically, I had a rough go at lots of things. There was a major death in my family and I felt like my world was ending, a sickness of a VERY important person that went on for months, and a few relationships that needed to end. Part of me needed to start over. I remember just really feeling down... almost depressed. I'm not pessimistic... I'd like to think I'm very realistic. It all came to a crashing end one plane ride home from a trip. Starting to wonder why all this was happening I realized... I'm not in control. I got home and began to write. Pros and cons. A major question was, "Why do I still live in California, when my entire family lives in Idaho now". Why were all these horrible things happening? Why was I so unhappy? I have always been in control and got everything I wanted because of how hard I worked. It all didn't matter anymore. I was wondering how I got to this point of unhappiness.

I started my night time routine preparing for yet another pointless week when I began to sob. I was crying so hard I couldn't stand. I hit the floor. Sobbing. I began to pray. "Please Lord... help me". I went on for almost 30 minutes! I prayed about everything. The last thing I did was to put it all in God's hands. I asked him for help. I stopped crying. I opened my eyes and felt peace. I cannot describe the feeling. It was amazing. I felt clarity. I took my shower, and went to sleep.

I woke up and I had a new perspective. I knew that this was going to be a good day. The death of my loved one was out of my control. Even though I was at the hospital sleeping in beds and the on even floor... I couldn't keep my grandfather alive. It was God's time to take him. What did that teach me? Lots. My grandfather was like a father to me. He still means so much to me. He's my guardian angel. I truly believe this. I smiled with that thought. Why was the person in my life sick? What was wrong with my father? Why so soon after losing my grandfather? Well, that week they figured it out. He was going to be OK. Peace. I got to work and I was given a new territory. Northern California. Then I suddenly realized that I should ONLY surround myself with people that have my best intention. Everything was falling into place.

I asked God into my life the night before. I had always been a Christian... but, I needed to reassess my life. I needed God. I will say that everything has really fallen into place ever since then. Does this mean everything will be great for the rest of my life? NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I will have loss, I will be disappointed, etc. But, I know this is God's plan not mine. He doesn't want to hurt us. He wants us to be happy. But, he wants us to be close to him. I believe that sometimes you need to fall to see this.

I am lucky. I am thankful. I love God.

I thank God.

Hope everyone is thankful for something this year. Life is good.

Cheers,
Brooke

4 comments:

  1. It sounds so cliche to say, "God never gives you anything that you can't handle," but we all know that it is so true. If God is going to be there to watch you fall apart, he will be there to put you back together, even better! We all have our moments, and it's good to be able to reflect on them and realize where those not-so-great moments have gotten us!

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  2. I can so relate to this post! You know the verse in Peter that talks about how are faith is like gold... burned and purified by fire. Its when you're going through those tough life moments that God has a chance to mold you and refine you a little more. Growing your faith and making it stronger. Its painful to be tested by fire... but the end result is beautiful! God is so awesome! Becoming a parent opened my eyes to that even more. I finally had just an inkling of how much God loves me because its so much more then the love I have for my own child! Mind boggling! :) Love this post! Beautifully said! Here's to making it through the fire and onto greater blessings God has in store! *hugs*

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  3. Stopping by from Bloggy Moms and am your newest follower. Hope to see you by my blog too.
    I have 4 blogs, you can follow all 4 or pick the one(s) that best suits you.
    http://tawnasplan.blogspot.com
    http://btrbb.blogspot.com
    http://tawnassecret.blogspot.com
    http://notaverageguru.blogspot.com
    Twitter: tawna6988
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    Thanks
    Tawna

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  4. Thanks for sharing such an honest post, Brooke. I can definitely relate to falling away and coming back even stronger. Also going through tough times that you look back as character-refining or blessings in disguise. So glad God led you to where he did so that we could be friends! ;)

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